You Left

I loved you more than anything else.
I gave myself to you.
You loved me right?
It wasn't a lie, right?
After a few months of dating,
You asked me to marry you.
I said yes.
I loved you,
You loved me.
We had a beautiful little girl.
She looks a lot like you,
But acts a lot like me.
Even then I loved you.
Soon, you left.
I found comfort in hanging around your friends.
I left our daughter at the sitter's most of the time.
Why?
She reminded me too much of you.
I was lonely.
I looked for comfort.
Sometimes people were nice,
Others pushed me away.
I felt like me world had been crushed.
But remember,
It wasn't me who left,
It was you.
By the time you got home,
My feelings for you were leaving.
I wasn't too sure about our marriage.
I became reckless.
I played with people's feelings while you were gone.
I didn't care what they thought about me.
I hurt people.
But there was one person that I couldn't toy with.
He was your best friend.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't mess with him.
By then I was spending a lot of time with him.
Finally, I found comfort
with someone who pretty much knew
What I was going through.
He had gotten dicorced,
And already had a child with someone.
We were perfect together.
We messed with each other.
Kissing hands, cheeks, lips.
I had found comfort and more.
Soon I realized my feelings.
I didn't love you,
I just wanted what I couldn't have.
Your friend, whom I found so much comfort with,
He was the one.
The one I held close to my heart.
I couldn't figure out what was happening.
I couldn't bring myself to confess.
He made the first move.
He told me that he loved me.
I confessed to him.
A few weeks later you came back.
Smiling like you normally do,
You gave me a small kiss.
We were still married.
A small rind held me down.
I didn't love you.
I never did.
My heart was just lying to me.
I am so confused.
Why were you gone for so long?
What were you doing while you were gone?
I pulled away,
Asking you these questions.
You just stare at me as if I'm crazy.
Might I remind you,
You are the one that left,
Not me.
Please stop torturing me like this.
I spend more time with my love, your friend.
I can't stop myself from thinking about divorces.
I'm worried,
Worried that I made you mad,
Worried that I made you sad.
More comfort from your friend.
You come at me with papers to sign.
This does not surprise me.
Now, I have a new home.
I live with your friend, his son, and our daughter.
You rarely visit.
You know about my relationship.
But don't blame me,
You are the one that left.

Don't Look

Don't look at me like that,
With that look of disgust.
I can't help that I am like this.
It's just the way I am.
So please don't look at me like that.
I'm not mentally retarded.
I'm not stupid.
I am me,
So don't look at me like that.
I might act like I am not smart,
But really, I am smart.
I thought we were best friends.
I thought you liked me.
Were you just leading me on?
I'm sorry if I'm stupid.
Don't look at me like that.

Worthless

Worthless.
I am not needed.
I'm in the way.
I cannot cook,
I gave you food poisoning.
Completely useless.
I cannot do anything.
You push me away,
You tell me not to worry,
You tell me to leave.
Why?
Because I am useless,
Worthless.
What can I do to prove myself?
Nothing.
I've already tried everything.
Push me away some more
And tell me I'm useless.
I already know this,
So it won't hurt as much.
I'm useless.
I am
Worthless.

Hate

Do you hate me?
Did I make you mad?
Why is this happening?
I thought we were best friends.
Does that mean nothing to you?
I'm sorry.
What ever I did to you,
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I did.
Help me understand.
I'm really sorry.
I can't know unless you tell me.
Do you hate me this much?
Me life useless?
Without you I feel worthless.
You cannot lie to me.
I can see right through it.
Don't lie.
Do you not even remember
All the fun times we had together?
Pease don't leave me.
I am nothing without you.
Because you aren't just my friend,
So please don't leave.
Don't hate me.
I'm so sorry.

You and Me

You are so much older than me,
At least by five.
I am so much younger than you,
At least by five.
But what is this feeling I get around you?
It's not hate.
It can't be hate.
I know hate like the back of my hand.
It isn't hate.
What is it?
It's warm,
Fuzzy,
I like it.
I like the way it feels.
Can I feel it forever?
I hope so.
What is this feeling?
This feeling that is so nice,
Is it love?
Maybe.
You an me,
We have so much in common.
Is that the feeling?
I fear the truth.
I fear what it might be holding,
But I have to know what this is.
What is it?
Why haven't I felt it before?
Looking for the answer,
I sear everywhere.
Going in circles,
I continue to look,
But they lead to one answer.
How can this be?
How has this feeling taken me?
I promised myself I'd never feel it.
Why now?
Why am I feeling it?
This warmth must leave.
You must leave.
You and me,
Are we even thinking the same way?
Why I always want to be at your side?
Why do I 'love'?

Never Needed

I'm useless.
I was never needed.
Just in the way.
If I was needed,
Then why do I mess up so much?
I break dishes.
I cannot even mop a floor the right way.
I'm only hurting those around me.
I'm useless.
I was never needed.
I also have no good looks,
Breaking even a dirtied mirror.
I am not love,
I am not beautiful.
I am useless,
Completely useless.

For You, My Love

I will protect.
I will survive.
My reason?
You.
I will get stronger for you.
I want to protect you.
Protect you from everything;
Pain, Hurt, Death, Myself.
If it makes you happy,
I'd gladly kill anyone.
If it means you are safe,
I'd do anything.
Who is it you love?
I'll kill that bitch just for you.
She won't break your heart.
I won't allow it.
Who is it you hold close?
I'll murder that whore.
She will not touch you.
Even so,
Why do you push me away?
I only do it for you.
I'll never let anyone hurt you.
They will perish before this is possible.
If I can't have you,
Then no one can.
I'll just kill you.
Why?
Because I love you.

Knife to Neck

How I see,
How I react,
How I do,
Everything I do.
They are always making fun of me.
They push me down,
Make me feel worthless.
I have no reason to be alive.
Why am I still here?
Slitting my wrists,
The only way I feel pleasure.
I'll take this knife to my neck,
Maybe I'll lay in a tub of hot water,
Bleed out until I am out.
Maybe I'll slit my wrists as well.
I'll be happy son enough.
Locking the door behind me,
I start up the water.
I hold tightly onto my knife.
Stripping down to my bare body.
I slide into the boiling hot water.
Not flinching once,
I cut my wrists.
Beautiful crimson,
It pours out of my body.
I go for my neck.
But before I get there,
I feel my body go limp,
Darkness.
Bright light.
I look around.
I'm at a funeral.
Everyone is crying.
I wonder who died.
Going to the casket,
I look.
A familiar body lays there.
She looks as if all her blood had been drained.
Her wrists had been slit.
"I hear she was found in the bathroom,
Dead before they got to her."
Memories of that night,
They flash in my head.
That girl is me.
I only thought about mean things.
I didn't think about loves ones.
Now their tears are falling for me.
Was death really worth it?

My Eyes

As if they were apples on a tree,
I picked my eyes.
"Why?" One might ask.
"Because you told me to."
I picked them as if they were grapes.
Except, I squeezed a little too much.
The delectable juices spilled as you laughed.
I put my eyes in what I thought to be your hands.
More laughter.
I thought I was crying in pain,
But it was just more blood on my face.
I picked my eyes as if they were oranges.
Some might ask me why,
But it's because you told me to.
I wanted to see your expression,
But I couldn't,
My eyes had already been taken.

Existence

I am happy, right?
You gave me everything;
Love, a home, a child.
But why do I feel empty?
Like something is missing.
Was I ever happy?
Certainly not.
One cannot call themselves happy,
If they are empty.
I do not understand.
Why does this emptiness grow?
Was it ever even love,
Or was it just mere pity?
Speak the truth.
Was I ever loved?
Do I even exist?
A mere ant?
One that was never actually needed.
The smallest fracture in life.
Never needed.
Always alone.

In A Room

I'm in a room.
You are not there.
My eyes have been blinded,
I cannot see.
My ears have been gouged,
I cannot hear.
My arms and legs tightly bounded,
I cannot feel.
Even then, I do not stop thinking about you.
Warm tears and blood.
It has been spilled on my body.
Why do I put up with this pain?
Because you told me to.
Don't worry about me.
It doesn't hurt anymore.
I'm in this room alone.
I can't see, hear, or feel.
Forever in this room.

Alone

I want to be alone,
Cold and dark of my mind.
In a room with no other.
I want to be alone.
To lie in my bed,
Where dreams don't even exist.
I think of this place and no other.
Oh how I just wish to be alone.
But, through all my misery and pain,
You refuse to leave.
Does my wish amuse you?
Why do you torture me like this?
Is my wish entertaining?
I just want to be alone.
Still, I suffer from great pain.
I kick you away, I push you away.
You frowned at me before you left.
Now, I am alone.
My heart so cold, my mind so dark.
I watched you leave, a new pain.
Completely alone.
My wish has been fulfilled.
Please, come back.