I'm Hiding Behind These Scars I'll Never Let You See

I'm hiding behind

These scars,

I'll never let you see.

It's not that I don't

Want to show you

Their pattern.

I'm afraid,

So afraid

Of your reaction.

Their pattern

That only scream,

"Monster!"

The hope in each cut.

Hope for my redemption.

Hope for my death.

I'm hiding behind

These scars.

I'll never let you see.

They are cuts of hatred.

I only hate me.

I only despise myself.

These common smiles

Fill my face.

There is a lie beneath them.

Pull up my sleeves.

You see these cuts?

They are for you.

Their pattern 

That only scream,

"Help!"

It's the silence that kills.

The not knowing

Of what is next.

They are all for you,

These scars that only I

Hide behind.

Stuck

Does one know

What is worse than cutting?

To try your best with it;

The razor is sharp,

You know where to cut;

You slide as fast

And as hard as you can.

And yet,

It won't work.

The skin won't cut.

The blood won't pour.

You just cannot bring yourself to do it.

No matter how much pain you feel,

It's impossible.

It doesn't feel better

By doing it.

You're too scared.

Yet you can't live as you are.

You are stuck

In your world of pain.

A Little Thing Called "Love"

How would someone feel

If they told the person they loved

That they loved them,

Everyday?

What if this person only takes it as a friendship thing?

How would you feel?

How would I feel?

I'd feel quite crappy.

How do I know?

I've experienced it.

He doesn't realize it.

He couldn't.

He's too busy trying to be scary.

I wonder,

How much would it take

For him to realize my love?

The Stool

Rain hits the window.

Her heart hits the floor.

What she once thought was love,

Was hate.

He used her.

Almost as if she was just a prize.

He never loved her.

Loneliness crept up on her.

It neglected to inform her

Of how hideous she was.

Darkness surrounded her.

There was no light,

No escape.

She kicked the stool out from under her,

Gasping for air,

But none could reach her.

She warmly welcomes Death,

Who was hiding in the corner.

Desperation

She was desperate,

Desperate to escape.

"The darkness is scary."

She was pulled in.

Echoes fade,

And memories dim.

Loneliness was fun,

In her Wonderland.

Happiness did not exist.

She fell down the hole.

She knew nothing.

The sweets had left full.

"Stop this madness!"

She was desperate to call.

But it was too late.

Her wonderland faded to black.

Monster

I will break you.

I told myself.

No one loves you.

It said.

You are just a liar.

I picked up my razor,

Know all this to be true.

Just do it.

No one will miss you.

I contemplated my choices.

As the cold metal hit my skin.

You are worthless!

A piece of shit!

Blood came pouring out.

Tears follow.

Be careful.

We don't want this to the first

And last time.

My hands raised to my head

As I ripped out hair to stop the talking. 

Cut the flesh,

Feel the pain.

I screamed to myself

As my claws sunk further into my skin.

Isn't the pain wonderful?

I cut myself again.

Isn't red beautiful? 

Once more.

That's it!

And again.

Keep it up!

I no longer flinch.

My tears mixed with the fresh cuts.

It stings.

"It hurts,

But feels so good."

Now write, dear.

I picked up a quill.

Using the fresh blood

From the new cuts,

I write on paper.

Good girl.

It remarked.

Now cut again.

I found a knife

And slide it quickly against my wrists.

Tears stop.

A smile.

I pay no mind to the blood.

I just watch it spill.

I'm going to fuck you

With every line.

Then it stopped.

A puddle had formed.

How long has it been raining

In the bathroom?

I shrugged and made more cuts.

I wanted to stop.

I was desperate to stop.

Then, I did.

I stopped,

And just laid there.

You Left

I loved you more than anything else.
I gave myself to you.
You loved me right?
It wasn't a lie, right?
After a few months of dating,
You asked me to marry you.
I said yes.
I loved you,
You loved me.
We had a beautiful little girl.
She looks a lot like you,
But acts a lot like me.
Even then I loved you.
Soon, you left.
I found comfort in hanging around your friends.
I left our daughter at the sitter's most of the time.
Why?
She reminded me too much of you.
I was lonely.
I looked for comfort.
Sometimes people were nice,
Others pushed me away.
I felt like me world had been crushed.
But remember,
It wasn't me who left,
It was you.
By the time you got home,
My feelings for you were leaving.
I wasn't too sure about our marriage.
I became reckless.
I played with people's feelings while you were gone.
I didn't care what they thought about me.
I hurt people.
But there was one person that I couldn't toy with.
He was your best friend.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't mess with him.
By then I was spending a lot of time with him.
Finally, I found comfort
with someone who pretty much knew
What I was going through.
He had gotten dicorced,
And already had a child with someone.
We were perfect together.
We messed with each other.
Kissing hands, cheeks, lips.
I had found comfort and more.
Soon I realized my feelings.
I didn't love you,
I just wanted what I couldn't have.
Your friend, whom I found so much comfort with,
He was the one.
The one I held close to my heart.
I couldn't figure out what was happening.
I couldn't bring myself to confess.
He made the first move.
He told me that he loved me.
I confessed to him.
A few weeks later you came back.
Smiling like you normally do,
You gave me a small kiss.
We were still married.
A small rind held me down.
I didn't love you.
I never did.
My heart was just lying to me.
I am so confused.
Why were you gone for so long?
What were you doing while you were gone?
I pulled away,
Asking you these questions.
You just stare at me as if I'm crazy.
Might I remind you,
You are the one that left,
Not me.
Please stop torturing me like this.
I spend more time with my love, your friend.
I can't stop myself from thinking about divorces.
I'm worried,
Worried that I made you mad,
Worried that I made you sad.
More comfort from your friend.
You come at me with papers to sign.
This does not surprise me.
Now, I have a new home.
I live with your friend, his son, and our daughter.
You rarely visit.
You know about my relationship.
But don't blame me,
You are the one that left.