Can I Talk To You?

Hey,

Do you have a minute?

 There is something

I must tell you.

I'm not sure how to word it.

But it is truly important.

Look at me,

Not that computer screen.

Are you even listening?

Are you ignoring me?

I guess it's all the same.

I'm too shy to say.

I'll just retreat

If only for now.

Hey.

Can I tell you something?

It is important.

If only in my head.

Will you pay attention?

Stop texting for once and listen.

Listen to my plea. 

Hey?

I guess it's all the same.

I'm still too shy to say my mind.

I cry myself to sleep again.

These cuts help me.

They are only for you.

Only you.

Hey?

Will you listen this time?

My scars?

What scars?

That face,

I can't help but feel like this.

No.

Don't worry about them.

Do you want some food?

A drink?

Hey.

I have something I need to tell you.

Will you hear me through?

Will you understand my feelings?

I'm not sure if I can tell you.

Don't turn away!

Listen to me,

Please.

I need you to...

I may or may not...

Well...

No, wait!

I need to tell you this.

Sorry, I forgot.

Oh!

Now I remember.

It may be a coincidence...

But you may not feel the same.

It's true that

I may or may not...

But I think I do...

I think that I may...

No... I can do this.

Um, you, take.

That's not what I wanted to say.

I mean to say...

I like you,

I love you.

I'm Hiding Behind These Scars I'll Never Let You See

I'm hiding behind

These scars,

I'll never let you see.

It's not that I don't

Want to show you

Their pattern.

I'm afraid,

So afraid

Of your reaction.

Their pattern

That only scream,

"Monster!"

The hope in each cut.

Hope for my redemption.

Hope for my death.

I'm hiding behind

These scars.

I'll never let you see.

They are cuts of hatred.

I only hate me.

I only despise myself.

These common smiles

Fill my face.

There is a lie beneath them.

Pull up my sleeves.

You see these cuts?

They are for you.

Their pattern 

That only scream,

"Help!"

It's the silence that kills.

The not knowing

Of what is next.

They are all for you,

These scars that only I

Hide behind.

Stuck

Does one know

What is worse than cutting?

To try your best with it;

The razor is sharp,

You know where to cut;

You slide as fast

And as hard as you can.

And yet,

It won't work.

The skin won't cut.

The blood won't pour.

You just cannot bring yourself to do it.

No matter how much pain you feel,

It's impossible.

It doesn't feel better

By doing it.

You're too scared.

Yet you can't live as you are.

You are stuck

In your world of pain.

A Little Thing Called "Love"

How would someone feel

If they told the person they loved

That they loved them,

Everyday?

What if this person only takes it as a friendship thing?

How would you feel?

How would I feel?

I'd feel quite crappy.

How do I know?

I've experienced it.

He doesn't realize it.

He couldn't.

He's too busy trying to be scary.

I wonder,

How much would it take

For him to realize my love?

The Stool

Rain hits the window.

Her heart hits the floor.

What she once thought was love,

Was hate.

He used her.

Almost as if she was just a prize.

He never loved her.

Loneliness crept up on her.

It neglected to inform her

Of how hideous she was.

Darkness surrounded her.

There was no light,

No escape.

She kicked the stool out from under her,

Gasping for air,

But none could reach her.

She warmly welcomes Death,

Who was hiding in the corner.

Desperation

She was desperate,

Desperate to escape.

"The darkness is scary."

She was pulled in.

Echoes fade,

And memories dim.

Loneliness was fun,

In her Wonderland.

Happiness did not exist.

She fell down the hole.

She knew nothing.

The sweets had left full.

"Stop this madness!"

She was desperate to call.

But it was too late.

Her wonderland faded to black.

Monster

I will break you.

I told myself.

No one loves you.

It said.

You are just a liar.

I picked up my razor,

Know all this to be true.

Just do it.

No one will miss you.

I contemplated my choices.

As the cold metal hit my skin.

You are worthless!

A piece of shit!

Blood came pouring out.

Tears follow.

Be careful.

We don't want this to the first

And last time.

My hands raised to my head

As I ripped out hair to stop the talking. 

Cut the flesh,

Feel the pain.

I screamed to myself

As my claws sunk further into my skin.

Isn't the pain wonderful?

I cut myself again.

Isn't red beautiful? 

Once more.

That's it!

And again.

Keep it up!

I no longer flinch.

My tears mixed with the fresh cuts.

It stings.

"It hurts,

But feels so good."

Now write, dear.

I picked up a quill.

Using the fresh blood

From the new cuts,

I write on paper.

Good girl.

It remarked.

Now cut again.

I found a knife

And slide it quickly against my wrists.

Tears stop.

A smile.

I pay no mind to the blood.

I just watch it spill.

I'm going to fuck you

With every line.

Then it stopped.

A puddle had formed.

How long has it been raining

In the bathroom?

I shrugged and made more cuts.

I wanted to stop.

I was desperate to stop.

Then, I did.

I stopped,

And just laid there.

You Left

I loved you more than anything else.
I gave myself to you.
You loved me right?
It wasn't a lie, right?
After a few months of dating,
You asked me to marry you.
I said yes.
I loved you,
You loved me.
We had a beautiful little girl.
She looks a lot like you,
But acts a lot like me.
Even then I loved you.
Soon, you left.
I found comfort in hanging around your friends.
I left our daughter at the sitter's most of the time.
Why?
She reminded me too much of you.
I was lonely.
I looked for comfort.
Sometimes people were nice,
Others pushed me away.
I felt like me world had been crushed.
But remember,
It wasn't me who left,
It was you.
By the time you got home,
My feelings for you were leaving.
I wasn't too sure about our marriage.
I became reckless.
I played with people's feelings while you were gone.
I didn't care what they thought about me.
I hurt people.
But there was one person that I couldn't toy with.
He was your best friend.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't mess with him.
By then I was spending a lot of time with him.
Finally, I found comfort
with someone who pretty much knew
What I was going through.
He had gotten dicorced,
And already had a child with someone.
We were perfect together.
We messed with each other.
Kissing hands, cheeks, lips.
I had found comfort and more.
Soon I realized my feelings.
I didn't love you,
I just wanted what I couldn't have.
Your friend, whom I found so much comfort with,
He was the one.
The one I held close to my heart.
I couldn't figure out what was happening.
I couldn't bring myself to confess.
He made the first move.
He told me that he loved me.
I confessed to him.
A few weeks later you came back.
Smiling like you normally do,
You gave me a small kiss.
We were still married.
A small rind held me down.
I didn't love you.
I never did.
My heart was just lying to me.
I am so confused.
Why were you gone for so long?
What were you doing while you were gone?
I pulled away,
Asking you these questions.
You just stare at me as if I'm crazy.
Might I remind you,
You are the one that left,
Not me.
Please stop torturing me like this.
I spend more time with my love, your friend.
I can't stop myself from thinking about divorces.
I'm worried,
Worried that I made you mad,
Worried that I made you sad.
More comfort from your friend.
You come at me with papers to sign.
This does not surprise me.
Now, I have a new home.
I live with your friend, his son, and our daughter.
You rarely visit.
You know about my relationship.
But don't blame me,
You are the one that left.

Don't Look

Don't look at me like that,
With that look of disgust.
I can't help that I am like this.
It's just the way I am.
So please don't look at me like that.
I'm not mentally retarded.
I'm not stupid.
I am me,
So don't look at me like that.
I might act like I am not smart,
But really, I am smart.
I thought we were best friends.
I thought you liked me.
Were you just leading me on?
I'm sorry if I'm stupid.
Don't look at me like that.

Worthless

Worthless.
I am not needed.
I'm in the way.
I cannot cook,
I gave you food poisoning.
Completely useless.
I cannot do anything.
You push me away,
You tell me not to worry,
You tell me to leave.
Why?
Because I am useless,
Worthless.
What can I do to prove myself?
Nothing.
I've already tried everything.
Push me away some more
And tell me I'm useless.
I already know this,
So it won't hurt as much.
I'm useless.
I am
Worthless.

Hate

Do you hate me?
Did I make you mad?
Why is this happening?
I thought we were best friends.
Does that mean nothing to you?
I'm sorry.
What ever I did to you,
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I did.
Help me understand.
I'm really sorry.
I can't know unless you tell me.
Do you hate me this much?
Me life useless?
Without you I feel worthless.
You cannot lie to me.
I can see right through it.
Don't lie.
Do you not even remember
All the fun times we had together?
Pease don't leave me.
I am nothing without you.
Because you aren't just my friend,
So please don't leave.
Don't hate me.
I'm so sorry.

You and Me

You are so much older than me,
At least by five.
I am so much younger than you,
At least by five.
But what is this feeling I get around you?
It's not hate.
It can't be hate.
I know hate like the back of my hand.
It isn't hate.
What is it?
It's warm,
Fuzzy,
I like it.
I like the way it feels.
Can I feel it forever?
I hope so.
What is this feeling?
This feeling that is so nice,
Is it love?
Maybe.
You an me,
We have so much in common.
Is that the feeling?
I fear the truth.
I fear what it might be holding,
But I have to know what this is.
What is it?
Why haven't I felt it before?
Looking for the answer,
I sear everywhere.
Going in circles,
I continue to look,
But they lead to one answer.
How can this be?
How has this feeling taken me?
I promised myself I'd never feel it.
Why now?
Why am I feeling it?
This warmth must leave.
You must leave.
You and me,
Are we even thinking the same way?
Why I always want to be at your side?
Why do I 'love'?

Never Needed

I'm useless.
I was never needed.
Just in the way.
If I was needed,
Then why do I mess up so much?
I break dishes.
I cannot even mop a floor the right way.
I'm only hurting those around me.
I'm useless.
I was never needed.
I also have no good looks,
Breaking even a dirtied mirror.
I am not love,
I am not beautiful.
I am useless,
Completely useless.

For You, My Love

I will protect.
I will survive.
My reason?
You.
I will get stronger for you.
I want to protect you.
Protect you from everything;
Pain, Hurt, Death, Myself.
If it makes you happy,
I'd gladly kill anyone.
If it means you are safe,
I'd do anything.
Who is it you love?
I'll kill that bitch just for you.
She won't break your heart.
I won't allow it.
Who is it you hold close?
I'll murder that whore.
She will not touch you.
Even so,
Why do you push me away?
I only do it for you.
I'll never let anyone hurt you.
They will perish before this is possible.
If I can't have you,
Then no one can.
I'll just kill you.
Why?
Because I love you.

Knife to Neck

How I see,
How I react,
How I do,
Everything I do.
They are always making fun of me.
They push me down,
Make me feel worthless.
I have no reason to be alive.
Why am I still here?
Slitting my wrists,
The only way I feel pleasure.
I'll take this knife to my neck,
Maybe I'll lay in a tub of hot water,
Bleed out until I am out.
Maybe I'll slit my wrists as well.
I'll be happy son enough.
Locking the door behind me,
I start up the water.
I hold tightly onto my knife.
Stripping down to my bare body.
I slide into the boiling hot water.
Not flinching once,
I cut my wrists.
Beautiful crimson,
It pours out of my body.
I go for my neck.
But before I get there,
I feel my body go limp,
Darkness.
Bright light.
I look around.
I'm at a funeral.
Everyone is crying.
I wonder who died.
Going to the casket,
I look.
A familiar body lays there.
She looks as if all her blood had been drained.
Her wrists had been slit.
"I hear she was found in the bathroom,
Dead before they got to her."
Memories of that night,
They flash in my head.
That girl is me.
I only thought about mean things.
I didn't think about loves ones.
Now their tears are falling for me.
Was death really worth it?

My Eyes

As if they were apples on a tree,
I picked my eyes.
"Why?" One might ask.
"Because you told me to."
I picked them as if they were grapes.
Except, I squeezed a little too much.
The delectable juices spilled as you laughed.
I put my eyes in what I thought to be your hands.
More laughter.
I thought I was crying in pain,
But it was just more blood on my face.
I picked my eyes as if they were oranges.
Some might ask me why,
But it's because you told me to.
I wanted to see your expression,
But I couldn't,
My eyes had already been taken.

Existence

I am happy, right?
You gave me everything;
Love, a home, a child.
But why do I feel empty?
Like something is missing.
Was I ever happy?
Certainly not.
One cannot call themselves happy,
If they are empty.
I do not understand.
Why does this emptiness grow?
Was it ever even love,
Or was it just mere pity?
Speak the truth.
Was I ever loved?
Do I even exist?
A mere ant?
One that was never actually needed.
The smallest fracture in life.
Never needed.
Always alone.

In A Room

I'm in a room.
You are not there.
My eyes have been blinded,
I cannot see.
My ears have been gouged,
I cannot hear.
My arms and legs tightly bounded,
I cannot feel.
Even then, I do not stop thinking about you.
Warm tears and blood.
It has been spilled on my body.
Why do I put up with this pain?
Because you told me to.
Don't worry about me.
It doesn't hurt anymore.
I'm in this room alone.
I can't see, hear, or feel.
Forever in this room.

Alone

I want to be alone,
Cold and dark of my mind.
In a room with no other.
I want to be alone.
To lie in my bed,
Where dreams don't even exist.
I think of this place and no other.
Oh how I just wish to be alone.
But, through all my misery and pain,
You refuse to leave.
Does my wish amuse you?
Why do you torture me like this?
Is my wish entertaining?
I just want to be alone.
Still, I suffer from great pain.
I kick you away, I push you away.
You frowned at me before you left.
Now, I am alone.
My heart so cold, my mind so dark.
I watched you leave, a new pain.
Completely alone.
My wish has been fulfilled.
Please, come back.